If The Truth Be Told
I’ve always prided myself on being a conscious, professional woman. Recently, while nursing a sprained ankle, I heard a story on the Tamron Hall Show. In this segment, the fiancé in a mixed-race couple went to try on a wedding gown she’d seen online. She loved the dress, and when she approached the register, the clerk mentioned she could have the dress lining customized to match her skin color–for an extra charge! Although uncomfortable, she paid extra for lining to match her skin color. Her fiance was livid and shared the story on social media. It went viral, gaining multiple millions of views.
I am reminded of an experience I had about 25 years ago. I had taken a colleague to a personal shopper I was using. The professional shopper offered her a black bra, my friend said that’s all I wear. I, in turn, said you don’t wear white? My friend's response was, black is closer to my skin color. I got it, and I reacted with an embarrassed silence.
Tamron’s show brought this memory back to me. I know I’ve grown as a person since this bra-shopping incident, and yet…I had to ask myself an uncomfortable question: why did it take a white man’s social media rant to draw our attention to the plight of a woman of color? He encouraged us to wonder: why did his soon-to-be wife have to pay for the privilege of accurate skin color representation…when his whiteness has always been free?
His rant elevated my awareness to a systemic level. How many of us white people, women especially, are unaware of what non-white women are regularly experiencing? Yet many, including myself, are hesitant or even afraid to speak up or ask a question. The result inadvertently perpetuates systemic unconsciousness.
I wonder what it might take to inquire from a place of kindness and curiosity to heighten our awareness. As I write this the voice in my head keeps reminding me of negative responses we might receive. But still…We want to take action. We want to right the wrongs. How might we overcome our fears of conflict and other unpleasantries? I welcome your thoughts, memories, and ideas.